


To Build A Home

by Ungeneric_human



Category: Frank Iero and the Future Violents (Band), Frank Iero and the Patience, Hesitant Alien - Gerard Way (Album), My Chemical Romance, Pencey Prep
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Frerard, Gay, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My Chemical Romance References, Sad Frank Iero, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, frank iero - Freeform, gerard way - Freeform, my chemical romance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:43:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29557920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ungeneric_human/pseuds/Ungeneric_human
Summary: I can't get out.I can't.My life is supposedly perfect.But I just need an escape.The voices won't stop.Make them stop.Please....SHUT UPSTOP ITGET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD-----------------------------------------------------------------A stranger finds a guy about to end it all and does the only thing he can think to do. He just wants to fix him. But how?-----------------------------------------------------------------! TW !Suicide, self harm and generally dark topics. Please be careful when reading.-----------------------------------------------------------------
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> !! IMPORTANT !! 
> 
> Warning- I don't put trigger warnings on each chapter, I apologise for this but I don't know what triggers each person so I can't warn for everything. I am so sorry if you get triggered by any of the contents in this.

I sit on the railing watching the view before me.

The water calmly washing over itself, the bright moonlight reflecting off of the waves and shimmering into view, the pitch black sky being illuminated by the many twinkling stars mixed with the mesmerising sound of the water that makes you want to sway and fall asleep. It's truly perfect.  
I'll miss this.

I'll miss my dog too. She was the only reason I made sure to go to work. She's the only person I care about. Without her I don't know where I'd be. That's why I've ensured she'll be taken care of. And I know, I should hang on. I should stay for her and experience the things I haven't. My life is practically perfect, what the fuck would drive me to this? But I just can't handle people. I can't handle responsibility. I can't handle being.

That's why I'm here.

It's my happy place. I've been here before multiple times. The whole reason I moved was to come here. I kept dreaming about it and didn't know it was a real place, until I searched it and found it. It's my place. I was destined to be here. Call it fate, if you will. So that it'll be perfect for one last night. Until it all comes to an end and I lose my fight.  
Please understand it has to be this way. I was destined to fail from the beginning.

I've been sat here for nearly two hours just watching the water and basking in the serenity before I prove myself to be the failure everyone knows I am. But I've had enough waiting. I've waited for this moment for years. So now it's happening.

I stand up from where I was perched and hold on for a second whilst I get used to standing once again, and step over to the very edge of the barrier. There's barely enough room for my feet to fit, but I guess that is the point. And as I take my last breath, I feel myself becoming a lot more relaxed and a lot more prepared for the end. I can already imagine it. So I lean forward some more. And a bit more. And a little more. Then I let go...

"NO!"

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Please. Don't do this."

Not this fucking speech.

"Surely you've got so much to live for."

Yes. But may I remind you that I'm weak.

"Just please, take my hand and I'll help you."

Oh for fuck sake.

I turn around and get met by a man who looks to be about my age. He's taller than me but that's not exactly hard. He's got short shaggy black hair too. Suits him. He looks good.

"Please. Come down from there." he spoke yet again and I chose to reply this time.

"I don't want to."

"I know. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to be. But just stand."

"I am standing."

"stand up fucking tall, not leaning over the water." he says, seemingly more desperate. Despite my want to push further, I find myself straightening up. "Right. Now take my hand."

"I don't know what you've touched."

"Take my fucking hand." he snapped.

"Okay, geez" I reluctantly reached down and grabbed his hand and as soon as I did was pulled violently onto the stranger and the man clung onto me for dear life, as if he didn't trust me to not run and jump in the water I'd been pulled away from. Understandable.

I don't know this person. I don't know their name or what they're like. Nor do they know me. But they've wrapped themselves around me in a tight hug and started crying into my shoulder. It's kind of weird seen as I landed on top of them when they pulled me back, but I don't mind admitting that this guy is comfy. And if he trusted me enough to let go so I could even attempt to return the hug, I'm sure he'd be an amazing hugger. I missed human contact if I'm honest. But on the other hand, people are scary. This guy seems genuine. But I don't know him. I shouldnt make judgements. Remember- untrustworthy until proven trustworthy.

"Are you okay?" the guy looks up from within my shoulder and to me. He looks confused.

"You just tried to kill yourself and you're asking if I'm okay?"

"Sorry? I just- I mean you're crying into my shoulder so..."

"Oh, sorry." He says and starts to unwrap himself from me, allowing me to stand up and look over to the water again.

*Jump*

The thought is short, but effective. It repeats through my mind endlessly as I can see the guy talking again. I see it. But hear nothing. All I hear is the voices in my brain.

So I listen.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that there will be no specific Trigger Warnings for each chapter. Please bear this in mind. I hope you enjoy the story :))

I can feel myself drift into consciousness again.

Fuck. It didn't work.

Where am I?

This doesn't feel like the bridge, nor does it feel like water.

I'm in a bed aren't I?

Don't tell me I dreamed all of that.

I swear to god if I dreamed all of that I will fucking scream.

Wait no- It can't be my bed. Mine isn't this comfy.

Hospital bed?  
No, it's too comfy for that too.  
Where the fuck am i?

Is that crying I can hear?  
Someone else is here, what the fuck?

"please be alive." the voice whispered

Wait  
The guy  
The stranger  
That's his voice.   
...   
AM I IN HIS FUCKING HOUSE

I decide to open my eyes and, after recoiling in shock at the bright light, stare at the crying man in disbelief. 

"Who the fuck takes an unconscious stranger they don't know into their house?" ah shit my voice came out croakier than I wanted. 

He takes his head out of his palms and looks at me with wide eyes. I won't lie, he's very pretty. Even with puffy eyes. 

"You're alive." 

"No shit Sherlock, now who are you and why am I in your house?" I say, aware I sound like a dick but I'm annoyed and Confused okay? 

"Oh, um, I'm Gerard Way and you jumped in the water as I was talking to you and I didn't know what to do so I jumped in after you and dragged you out. Then I brought you here because I live here and I was panicking." he explained and I stare at him in awe. 

"You jumped in after me?" I ask slowly. 

"Yeah..." 

"Why would you do that? I'm a stranger, you don't know me. I'm no one." 

"You're not no one." he says, eyes softening 

"Oh yeah? What's my name?" 

"I- That's not fair." he says, the look on his face made me feel a little guilty. 

"I'm Frank." 

"See, you have a name. You're not no one." 

"Can't argue with that logic." I laughed

"Nope." He replied, looking rather proud of himself. It was cute. 

There was a kind of awkward silence between us for a few minutes before he spoke up again. 

"Do you want something to eat?" 

Im not really hungry, but it'd be a good idea for me to eat something or he'll probably get worried, so I agreed and we walked into his kitchen. 

He lives in a sort of bungalow. It's one story, and looks kind of cheap. But he's decorated it nicely and it's very... him? I don't know him, really, but this house suits him. It feels like it belongs to him. They match. 

"I'm sorry I don't have a lot of food, I live alone." he explained, I don't mind in the slightest. He didn't expect me to be here. Nor did I. Or anyone, really. Why am I here again? 

"That's okay, I'm sorry for intruding."

"Are you kidding me? I brought you here, you're not intruding." 

"Okay" I reply and smile at him, just for good measure. 

"I have eggs? You could have fried eggs on toast or something?" 

"Sure." 

He tells me to go sit down, and I do. He has a small table. He lives alone but made sure to set the table? Hm. He even puts a nice tablecloth over it. Oh geez I'm too messy for this house. He's very clean and tidy, I'm very messy and unorganised. 

"I'm sorry." I blurt out again. He turns around from his cooking and stares at me with his head slightly to the side, his black hair falling over his eyes slightly. 

"Why?" 

"I'm very messy." he stays in his Confused state. 

"You haven't made any mess?" 

"Not yet, but your house is tidy. I'm not tidy. I feel like I'm ruining it. Plus I'm inconveniencing you by being here." I look down to the floor and to my old socks. They don't look right. They look too clean. I look back up to him and into his eyes, accidentally interrupting him as he begins to reply to me "Wait, did you wash my clothes?"

He looks down, almost embarrassed and replies a quiet "yes." 

This fucker. 

"So you stripped me without consent whilst I was unconscious?"

"Well when you say it like that it sounds incredibly wrong." 

"Is that not what happened?" I push further. 

"I mean- I guess technically it is- but you were soaked and I just wanted you to be warm and dry. I didn't want you getting ill." Holy crap how nice is this guy? 

"Why are you doing so much for me?" I really need to develop a filter for what I say what the heck. 

"I- I don't know I just want you to be okay." 

"But I'm not okay. Trust me. My brain is at constant war and I can't handle anything. It's constant noise. The only way to make it stop is to kill myself. I'm too weak for bleeding out. I'm too weak for a noose. I'm too weak for an overdose. And that bridge is my happy place. It is my place and I wanted one last perfect night before I ended it." I rambled. Ah shit I said too much, I freaked him out. He's standing staring at me in shock. I know I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just stayed quiet- oh he's hugging me again, okay. 

In my thoughts I hadn't noticed him walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me again. I relaxed into his touch and put my head into his neck. I was right, he is a really good hugger. Why is everything about him so pleasant? He's helping a stranger, he's really pretty, he's really clean, he's an amazing hugger, he even smells good for gods sake. Like vanilla. There's another smell too, what is that? It's not that good whatever it is, kind of like burning- wait, burning?   
"Shit the food!" I remembered, unintentionally scaring him. 

"Shit!" he quickly jumped off of me and ran to where the food was. The eggs were slightly burnt and the toast was black, but I didn't care. He looked upset and disappointed though. It, weirdly, made me upset to see him upset. I want to see him smile again. 

"Hey, it's okay. It's just burnt, it's not bad." he looked hip from staring at the burnt toast in his hands and I saw his glossy eyes. He's that upset over this?

"I ruined it." he whispered, trying to control his voice so it didn't break. I looked down, then walked over to him. 

"No, you didn't. It's okay, I don't mind. It happens." I spoke softly, putting my hands onto his shoulders. I tried not to be patronising, I hate when people do that, but I worry it didn't work that well.

"You really don't mind?" he asked, still upset.

"Not at all. Plus, look," I picked up the toast from his hands and rubbed them together. Its a hack I saw a while ago. It doesn't work that well, but it gets rid of some of the burnt bits of toast and makes it more bearable to eat. I dusted off the crumbs and showed him the, now not so burnt, toast "It's okay now." He stared at the toast a little bit, then back to me. I can see the tears still in his eyes but they'd reduced. His eyes were beautiful. They were hazely. But had speckles of green and yellow in there. Everything about him is gorgeous I swear. 

"Thank you." He spoke, snapping me back into reality. 

"It's okay." I'm not usually one to initiate hugs, but this time I did. It was short- lived, but still good none-the-less. 

Pretty soon he'd got the food plated up and we'd sat back down at the table. I don't really like eating in front of people, but he wasn't watching so it wasn't that bad. The noise got to me a little bit though. Thankfully it was all over soon because he decided to speak up. 

"So, I need to talk to you about something." oh god this sounds serious I don't like it

_What did you do._  
_Has he realised who you are?_  
_Does he know about your past?_

_WHAT DID YOU DO_

"Okay? What's up?" I reply, trying to act cool. 

"I spoke to a friend. And tomorrow you're going to go to a mental hospital. I know it sounds bad but they can help you and you can get through what you're going through now."

Oh good god. No. No no no no no. I can't go there. They'll hook me on medication and I don't need medicine. My dad told me that all my life. 'Everyone feels this way, medication is just placebo and all it'll do is get me hooked onto it.' I can't do it. He'll lose all respect for me. I'm weak already I don't need him making me feel worse. Please no.

"I- I can't."

"I know you won't want to, but they can help you. You'll be okay in there. And I'll visi-"

"I appreciate the effort and everything you've done for me, really. But I can't go there. I won't. Thank you for everything, but I really should be going now." I say, standing up and starting to walk out of the kitchen door, making a horrible sound as my chair scrapes across the floor.

"Frank, no please. Don't go." he called, I still kept walking. I go to the room I woke up in and grab my shoes, putting them on and grabbing my coat from where he'd put it. Just as I go to grab the door handle I feel him grab my wrist. I pause. "Please. I just want to help." his voice gets to me. I sigh and look down. What is this man doing to me? Without looking up I reply to him. 

"I've always been taught that my family would lose respect for me if I go to a place like that. I can't have them think even less of me. Please don't make me go." why am I admitting this to him?

"Frank, I'm sorry. That sounds horrible." he sympathises, his hand having moved from my wrist and into my hand.

"It's not all too bad. It's sounds worse then it is." I reply, quite liking how his hand fit into mine.

"Okay. You're really strong Frank, you know that?" I roll my eyes at that "And I might have another idea rather than the hospital."

I turn my head to look at him, gesturing for him to continue.

"Stay here with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations again,
> 
> Still enjoying this? 
> 
> Thanks for reading :))


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No specific warnings warning :))

_What._

"If you stay here then my friend can come visit and see you and help, but you won't be in a mental hospital so your family can't complain." he explains, he looks so proud of himself.

"I- I really appreciate the offer but I've got my dog at home and all of my stuff is there. I can't leave her." 

"She can come here. We can go to yours and get her and your stuff. I'm more of a cat person myself but it's okay, she can stay here if you want her to. Just please stay here. I want to help you and I'm scared of what you'll do if you go back by yourself. I want to help, please." He rambled for a little while. He's really desperate for me to stay. 

"You dont trust me." I state.

"What? Of course I do, What are you talking abou-" 

"You don't trust me to be alone." 

"Oh Frank, you know what I mean. I don't want you to hurt yourself." 

"Why? You don't even know me but you're so desperate for me to be okay? I could be a murderer for all you know!"

"Are you a murderer?"

"NO!" I shout back.

"I trust you." 

Three words. Confuse me, but also calm me down. Jesus Christ this human confuses the shit out of me but he's one of the few people I can stand to be around so fuck it.

"Okay." I take a moment before continuing, "Lois is a big dog, but she's a sweetheart, she doesn't bark much and she loves people. She's like a big cat, but less of an asshole." I see Gerard smile at this.

"She sounds great."

"She is, she's the only person I could stand to be around for about 3 years. However, all of this being said, are you sure you want her here? She sheds fur like a bitch and isn't tidy." I warn him

"I don't care. When can we get her?" Why does he want me to stay so badly, its slightly weird.

"We could go now if you really wanted?" truth is I don't know where we are or how far away my house is from here but we'll get to that later.

"Cool let's go." wow that was a pretty immediate answer. He's kind of scaring me. His face doesn't have much emotion and he's speaking very directly and in short sentences. Oh god don't make me scared of him now too, please.

"OK let's go."

\--

Turns out Gerard doesn't have a car, but I don't live far from him anyway so we were able to walk there in about 5 minutes.

As soon as we got there I was met by Lois. I feel bad for leaving her, I'd arranged for someone to get her in a couple days and had left her a load of food, but she looked so lonely. She'd jumped up on me immediately after I'd opened the door and started licking my face. I love her but I don't love her breath so I hugged her and she jumped down, seemingly noticing Gerard, who'd been stood there silently the entire time.

She walked over to him and sniffed at him a bit, so Gerard gingerly moved his hand out of his pocket and stroked her fur. She was unsure of him, and he probably was of her too, but they seem okay together. I genuinely think Gerard will love her as soon as he knows her a bit more, though I feel bad that she may make his house messier. Then again, I did warn him and he insisted so it is his own fault. Anyway, moving on.

I open my door wider and step inside, Lois following me and Gerard stepping in afterwards. If I'm honest I'm quite embarrassed about the state of my flat. I didn't expect any visitors and everything is everywhere. Gerard is already tiptoeing around my belongings and trying not to step on anything. Fucking hell I'm a mess.

I find myself wandering into the living room and switching the dim light on. Illuminating the room to the piles of undone laundry and stacks of letters and mail. I find myself walking over to the coffee table and picking up the single piece of paper I'd left on there, quickly folding it and shoving it in my pocket, hoping that Gerard didn't see it before I hid it. It's nothing important now anyway. He doesn't need to know what it is.

"You used to live like this?" he asked, looking more sad than disgusted.

"Yeah. It's not like I had any reason to clean or sort myself out really. I had no one to live for. The only reason I still went out was for work to keep Lois alive."

"You care a lot about her don't you?" he asked, smiling.

"Yeah. Almost too much." I looked up at him and we held a surprisingly long amount of eye contact without it being excruciatingly awkward. Until I decided to look away and venture onwards to my room so I could grab some stuff and get out.

After struggling with the door a little (that had always been a problem) I broke through and grabbed the first bag I saw, along with some shirts, jeans pyjamas (yes. I wear pyjamas) and the usual necessities, loading them into the bag. Moving onto the next room, is the bathroom. I shoved everything I needed into my bag and went to close the door door, unfortunately though I looked up and had something catch my eye before I could.

I'd left it there. Wrapped up in tissue to hide it a little. But still pretty out in the open. I couldn't stop myself as I started to open it, revealing the item inside. The light from the window making the already sharp edges appear sharper, the light silver look lighter and the appeal of using it even stronger.

_Do it._  
_Use it._  
_You deserve the pain._

Fuck.

Again I can't stop myself as I see my hand raising the blade to my arm. I can't stop myself as I give in and ruin my clean streak. Fucking hell I'm weak. All I can do is stare as the blood beads onto my skin and dribbles downwards. I'd only done three. And they weren't deep, which is good. But I can't help the urge to do more. I nearly give in again, until I hear Gerard yelp and shout help. I quickly snap out of my trance and wipe up the blood, hiding the blade again and pulling my sleeve down again.

I rush. out of the bathroom, worried why Gerard needed help. Only to see him laying on the floor with Lois flopped on top of him, as if he were a pillow. I laughed at the image and very quickly took a picture of them before they moved. I can't help it, the picture was cute.

"I hate you." Gerard joked, or at least I hope he did, as he pushed Lois off of him and stood up again, dusting the fur off of himself and looking at me. "Are you packed?"

"My stuff, yeah. I just need to get Lois' things now."

"Okay, cool. I'll be here with her still." He says, flashing me another smile. I smile back and turn away towards Lois' things.

I'm glad he didn't notice.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank ye for still reading :))


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No chapter warnings warning :))

It's been two days now since Lois and I have started staying at Gerards house. Lois was clearly nervous to begin with, Which I understand, she didn't have any warning or any chance to meet Gerard before suddenly she's moving into his house. It was probably quite stressful. She's still a bit "off" but she's warmed up to Gerard really quickly and seems to be okay around his house which is good. As long as she's happy it's okay.

Gerard really seems to like Lois, I'm still scared that we'll mess up his house somehow and he'll hate us for it but he seems like a genuine person and like he wouldn't lie. He's a very confusing being. I don't want to trust him but I can't help but do it anyway. We've only known each other for two days, and I was asleep for half of one, but it feels like we're old friends. He seems to know what to say and how to help so far. I really want to get to know him better.

As for me, I've generally been okay so far. I've settled in and my things are slightly more sorted now, though some stuff is still in bags. Gerard and I focused on trying to help Lois settle in first because she seemed unwilling to leave home at first. In the process I ended up having to carry the massive ass bag of dog food and unconsciously rolled up my sleeves, forgetting what I'd done beforehand. Gerard saw.

He didn't shout at me like I expected. He looked upset. He just stood still and stared a little, then looked into my eyes with a look a can't really pinpoint specially, but it definitely had concern there.

We haven't really spoken about it but I can tell that it will be spoken about. I don't really get why it's such a big deal to him, it's not like I went deep. It won't scar. It was just scratches. I still feel bad though, I don't want to make him sad and it seems that I did.

"Lois what are you doing?" I snap my head to look in the direction of the voice, to see Lois jumped up against Gerard, him holding her paws as she stood and sniffed his face.

"Lois, come here" I called, watching as she ran towards me and jumped on me instead. "She likes to jump on people sometimes, I should have warned you."

"No it's okay, I was just caught off guard." he laughed, that's another thing I noticed in these past few days. He has a very unique giggle for a laugh. It makes me smile hearing it- its great.

Then it went to an awkward silence. Neither of us were talking and what was really a couple seconds felt like hours of the silence. Even Lois had sat still.I sighed and hung my head down, knowing what I had to do.

"Look, I know you saw my arms. I know you want to say something, so just say it now, please." I said, unwillingly, looking in his direction as I did. He looked shocked that I'd brought it up, his eyes widened and he sat with a small silence before he opened his mouth to talk.

"I called my friend and he's coming to see you later because I got really worried that you'd relapsed and I was worried about your mental health." he rambled, taking in a breath afterwards and pursing his lips as he waited for my reaction.

"Okay, first, breathe. I'm not mad." I saw him visibly relax at that and take a few breaths. "Second, I understand why you did that, however I don't see why it's a big deal. I didn't go deep and i didn't do a lot either. That's good?"

"Any self harm is self harm. Just because you didn't cut yourself it doesn't mean it doesn't count. You still felt the need to hurt yourself, however far you went doesn't matter. It is definitely good you don't cut, don't start, but you still harmed yourself, it's still a concern of mine."

Oh. Okay. That explains some stuff.

"Okay." I whisper, "What time is your friend coming? And who are they?" I ask, only just realising I didn't know anything about this person other than that they're apparently going to help me.

_It won't work_

_You're helpless_

_Look at yourself, you're a fuck up_

_No one can help you_

_You're destined to fail_

_Hahaha_

_Little Frankie the failure_

_Really, it's no wonder they did what they did._

_You fucking deserve it with everything you've done to them._

_You're a disappointment Frankie_

_And you know I'm right._

"Frank? Frank what's happening? Are you okay?" I zone in again, hearing Gerard concerned and feeling his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. I also realise that my hands are covering my ears and pressing, hard. I was doubled over, as if in pain, with my eyes scrunched up and while body tensed to the point of shaking. Oh and I was screaming too. Fuck. This didn't happen often. How do I get out of this?

I stop screaming and breathe for a second, Gerard's hand rubbing small circles on my back to comfort me, usually I wouldn't want anyone to come near me, but this was quite nice to be honest.

After a minute or so I lower my hands and relax, sitting up again and having my eyes burn holes into the carpet, ashamed I let myself do that in front of Gerard.

"I'm sorry." I mutter, quietly

"You don't need to apologise, are you okay?" he was still kneeling quite close to me at this point.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Can I touch you? Are you okay with that right now?" he asked again, I nodded in response, feeling his hand back on my shoulder and rubbing circles again to comfort me. "Can I hug you?" I look up to him, a bit confused as to why he'd want to hug me, but nod again none the less. He wrapped his arms around me in a soft hug.

I really like his hugs. He doesn't crush me but he also doesn't just float there. It's a comfy mix of the two that result in what is probably some of the best hugs I've received. How can one person be so perfect?

"To answer your previous questions, his name is Ray, and he'll actually be here pretty soon." he spoke, still hugging me. I could feel his jaw move against me as he formed his words. From where we were I looked up at the clock, noticing that it was 1pm already. Time moves quickly.

And as if it were a shitty fanfic with no concept of timing things out, the doorbell rang right there. The "Ray" guy was here already.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about how long this took to get out, I'm going to try and write and upload the next chapter as soon as possible.
> 
> I hope he enjoyed this though :))

**Author's Note:**

> I hope ye liked le chapter
> 
> What are thy current thoughts? 
> 
> We shall meet again soon.


End file.
